Five Minute Friday: Backwards

I discovered the concept of Five Minute Friday on the Gypsy Mama blog. The challenge? Write for 5 minutes flat for pure unedited love of the written word.

I am writing instead of cleaning or doing paperwork. Work before play is supposed to be my motto. But I’m doing it backwards…again.

I’ve been so convicted in the last month or two about my lack of self-control. How easy it was to slide from a Flylady stricture to this self-indulgent haze, and how long ago it seems that I had everything under control. Once upon a time I had two tiny daughters and a son in the womb, and my house was clean! And stories were read and craft projects littered the play area.

Things seemed better then, as I look back from my vantage point of now. My son is five! And my house is dusty and I don’t do crafts with my girls unless I’m teaching a class. The books we read are homeschool curricula and I’ve a hit-or-miss approach to menu planning.

But five years ago, I was heading for a crash, jaw clenched as I tried my darndest to make God like me. I couldn’t have been less than perfect because my heart didn’t know about the kind of grace that sees me naked and loves me anyway. I didn’t realize that in trying to perfect what I already had, I failed to understand what I had been given. I figured that what God had done for me in saving me was His job and my job was to live up to that gift.

So I suppose I make more mistakes now. It’s taking advantage of a new liberty that means that I fail to do what I know is right. It doesn’t look like a good way to become holy, as He is holy. Sometimes I feel guilty about that. But am I really less righteous now than I was before? If the perfection is achieved through self-effort, it’s not righteousness at all. And so I think it’s time to lose the measuring stick.

I am in Christ, and He is in me. It doesn’t feel like it changes things, but He says it does. And I choose to believe Him.

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!
2 Corinthians 5:17

So I wrote for more than five minutes, but it’s hard to stop a moving train (of thought!).


Comments

Five Minute Friday: Backwards — 5 Comments

  1. Ang- I am so blessed when you give us a taste of where God has you at a moment in time. Thanks for being so vulnerable online. It has taken me many more years to step into freedom totally with Jesus but I work on it everyday. The pioneer spirit of working for everything independently of anyone else and my carnal nature are up and running most days. I love walking with the Lord and would never change it ever but it is one of the most challenging I have done in my entire life. So thanks for encouraging me along life’s road.

    • Thanks so much, Gwen! I’ve talked before about how funny it feels to blog about such personal things, but at the same time it has helped me so much as a means of organizing and verbalizing the mishmash in my head. And the more we learn to see God, the more beautiful He is, don’t you think?

  2. I really love this, Angela. (And may I add that you look smashing on your profile pic with your comment above.) It describes me very closely. Jaw clenched, clean house, and everything. I think God used having a bunch of babies unplanned in a few short years to start changing my heart. But the measuring stick still hovers sometimes…. :)

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